Venturing Out
Facing and Embracing Fear on Palm Sunday
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Full Transcript, April 10, 2022
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The last week of Jesus’ life began with an impromptu parade in his honor. He rode into town on a borrowed beast of burden, surrounded by followers shouting his praises loudly enough to disturb the neighbors. This is described in all four gospels with such vibrant fervor that I had to sit for a while and stare into space, imagining what practicalities had to align to inspire such excitement. I’ve been the focal point of loving celebrations a couple of times in my life - my wedding and ordination both come to mind - but no one was throwing their jackets on the ground for me to walk over. Regardless, I can extrapolate from these experiences what an energetic high it can be to be greeted with such a wave of love, and even for an introvert it’s a heady feeling. There’s a reason why brides often describe smiling so hard their cheeks hurt by the end of the day.
In this light, the next part of the story is a little puzzling. So Jesus rides into town, and on his way to the temple, he encounters a fig tree. He hops off the donkey and checks the tree for fruit, but it’s too early in the season and all he finds are leaves. How does the “Prince of Peace” react to this disappointment? He curses the hapless fig tree to wither. We’ve all been hangry before, but this feels like a pretty sharp reaction to a missing snack.
However, put in context, this kind of overreaction sounds exactly like how some of us tend to behave when we’re super scared. And to be fair, Jesus is scared witless.
In all four gospels, by this point Jesus has begun to predict his own death with a considerable amount of specificity. Whether by divine omniscience or accurate analysis of sociological trends, Jesus is certain he is about to be executed by the state, and he knows they aren’t going to go easy on him in the process. Undeniably, he is terrified, but he refuses to take any actions to preserve himself.
Now, the classic association between Holy Week and leaving our comfort zones would be to say we should follow in Jesus’ selfless example and be willing to lay down our lives for what we know is good.
I am stating that position in clear terms because I do not agree with it.
In fact, one of my deepest quibbles with the god I listened to from the pews of my childhood is this idea that self-sacrifice is noble and required of us to be godly people. I believed it was true with all my heart, and then I watched what it did to my life and the lives of the people around me, and rapidly came to the conclusion that this attitude turns us into obedient, codependent doormats who keep ourselves in harm’s way because we believe it makes us good people. And by association, it also provides free support to keeping abusers in positions of power. I call us once again into awareness of the difference between unselfishness and selflessness. Let me be explicit- no loving higher power would want you to suffer or die to prove your faithfulness. We are called to live and thrive our faith, and make our world a better place starting with our own wellbeing.
We human creatures did not physiologically develop our emotions at random. Each of our feelings was designed to serve a purpose to aid in our survival as individuals or as a group. Can anyone tell me what the purpose of fear is? Go ahead and shout it out. Yes - fear protects us. We have fear to warn us that there’s a threat, and to get us ready to flee out of the danger zone and back to the comfort zone. And it’s good at it, too!
Like many of us these days, I have lived with a dysfunctional fear response. My fear’s calibration got all messed up as a result of trauma, and it started identifying threats where there weren’t any. Making progress in healing my nervous system has required many years and a multitude of different approaches, but one approach has been to develop a practice of honoring my difficult emotions as helpers. I have a practice now, when fear jumps up and tells me to flee the danger zone, of appreciating it, marveling at it, praising it. I tell my fear, good job! Thank you for protecting me! You noticed something I didn’t notice, thank you for the warning. And then I tell my fear, great work, I’ll take it from here. And just like that, my fear has permission to rest.
Jesus was scared out of his mind during the last week of his life. So scared, he lashed out at a fruitless fig tree. So scared he fell with his face to the ground in the garden and sobbed and begged to his god that he would be spared. But despite this fear, Jesus’ sense of his calling to change the world meant continuing to stand up to the people in power on behalf of the people they were marginalizing, even though that meant an inevitable agonizing death. His nervous system was begging him to flee, but somehow he got back up and continued anyway.
And no, it is not right or necessary that we should each sacrifice ourselves for the sins of others. We should always take into account how risky actions might cause real harm to ourselves or others. However, often in response to our calling to serve a better world, we have healthy opportunities to move past fear and exit that comfort zone. I believe there are a few considerations to observe in order to do this well.
First, we need to consider the “when.” If we stay in our comfort zones for too long, we stop growing. We also lose perspective on our fears and they start to loom larger than life, forcing us to make our comfort zones smaller and smaller to avoid them. On the flip side, if we venture into the danger zone to often or too soon after being hurt, we risk traumatizing ourselves. We need to leave ourselves enough time for rest and healing, or the long-term effects can be devastating.
We also need to consider the “why.” I don’t believe we should venture out for just anything, and I don’t believe we should heed any sense of obligation about it. If we leave the comfort zone for every little thing, we don’t develop boundaries and we don’t develop discernment. We are left without the energy we will need later on when something really important needs our courage.
Lastly, it’s necessary to consider the “how.” This one is going to be different for each of us - what methods of leaving the comfort zone move us into the growth zone and avoid the harm zone, is highly dependent on each person’s natural tendencies and past experiences. For me, accountability with peers is a big part of it, as well as resting lots ahead of time, and having a plan to care for myself afterwards.
For example, socializing in groups is outside my comfort zone. I need to have good boundaries about how often I attend social events, and which events make sense for me to prioritize. For accountability, I keep in touch with a trusted friend, usually by text message, before and during the event, and I share any feelings of anxiety or overwhelm I’m experiencing. I’m careful not to book much else leading up to it, and I make a list of self-care activities to recharge me for when I get home. This seems like a lot of planning, but taking these steps helps keep me facing my social fears in a healthy way.
We have lots of opportunities to benefit from analyzing our comfort zones here in our church community. Maybe you want to help with a Time for All Ages, but feel anxious about getting up in front of the congregation. Maybe you want to volunteer to help out in the Thrift Store, but are worried about changing your weekly routine. Maybe you want to help with fundraising, but have never tried it before and don’t know how your skills would match up. If you haven’t gone out on a limb here recently, this might be a good time to assess what you need in order to give it a try in a healthy way.
Another component to making this community a place high in growth zones and low on danger zones is to put energy into making it a safe place to fail. Creating an environment that embraces each other’s efforts for change, forgives mistakes readily, and celebrates growth is a powerful model. Our covenant gives us some good guidance in constructing this type of safety and accountability, but the simplest summary of what I’m suggesting is: support each other.
Spring is arriving, and whether you are someone who journeys spiritually with Jesus through his death and resurrection, or you’re somebody who watches the spring flowers sprout up and the little birds hatch in their nests, or you will be gathering with loved ones for a Seder to recall the journey of liberation into the desert, or you are called along a different path - in so many different ways, now is the season of venturing out. May your adventures in the growth zone be blessed with wisdom, discernment, good boundaries, and plenty of healthy rest and recovery. May you dance lovingly with your fear, and allow it space to do its work in balance. May we all grow stronger and more resilient together as a community, creating greater and greater flexibility for all of us to try new things, discover, and learn with support from each other. May we all know that we are blessed. Amen.
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[Copyright 2022 Miranda (Bran) Lennox]
